RADIO
Well, the NFL has been having fun at its annual owners' meetings, wherein changes to the rulebook are discussed for upcoming seasons. And if you're talking about rulebook technicalities, you just know the New England Patriots can't be far behind!
NFL Rules Patriots' Illegal Formation Shenanigans Illegal
The Patriots, everybody. If they had a slogan, it really should be "It's Not Illegal. Yet." Yes, the ineligible receiver trickeration the Patriots employed to beat the Ravens in this year's AFC Divisional playoff game was ruled illegal at this year's owners' meetings and will now be a 5-yard penalty.
"Right in time," said Ravens fans, to which I would respond "Expecting timely discipline from the NFL is like looking into the sky and being disappointed at the lack of flying pigs."
Patriots fans, of course, responded with their typical reasoned defense of their favorite team. By which I of course mean they said "Tawmmy Brady and Bill Belichick aaah the greatest coach and quaartahback of awl time and everyone else is just wicked jealous of how wicked amazin' we aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."
Point is, no one here looks good. The Patriots once again look like conniving assholes and the NFL is once again doing the barest minimum way too late. So I guess today's story could have been "Today, business was conducted as usual in the NFL offices."
Browns, Falcons Will Be Disciplined "Severely"
Of course, the NFL could in fact drop the hammer on two other franchises that didn't make a mockery of sportsmanship and competitive balance during the playoffs instead.
Browns GM Ray Farmer and the Browns organization will be disciplined for a violation of the league's electronic communication policy, as it had come to light that Farmer sent text messages to an assistant coach that he was not supposed to send. I guess "Hey gr8 job but u need 2 score more points" is probably a pretty egregious violation. Of course, it being the Browns, they lost anyway.
Falcons owner Arthur Blank acknowledged that the Falcons had been pumping extra noise into the Georgia Dome for the last two years. He agreed that the team's actions were "wrong" and negatively impacted the competitive balance of the game. The NFL has informed both teams that discipline will be coming soon and that the discipline will be severe.
Meanwhile, commissioner Roger Goodell had this to say about the New England Patriots tampering with footballs in games that actually meant something:
But hey, I'm sure the stadium being 3 decibels louder is a real problem.
NCAA Makes 500 Documents Public In Todd McNair Suit
Such documents include comments such as this one by Rodney Uphoff, who was not allowed to vote or attempt to influence voters on the infamous USC sanction hearing committee:
"The evidence in this case is, for example, is [sic] markedly stronger than in the OKC bombing case, which was built entirely on circumstantial evidence."
Because naturally, when an NCAA player is paid off by a third party, the only good comparison is an infamous act of terrorism. Braxton Miller better watch out, because now I'm pretty sure that his Advocare Instagram is probably "worse than like, ten 9/11s."
Uphoff also told committee members he had been losing sleep since he was worried the NCAA would be too lenient on the Trojans, because think of the alternative: if the NCAA didn't close up every single possible loophole, the players could be making money instead of them. The horror!
Kevin Love Votes Russell Westbrook for MVP
So sports gamblers, now's the time to start throwing flyers on where Love is going to play next season.
Meanwhile, Andrew Wiggins would have made an MVP pick, but he's just too busy being the clear-cut rookie of the year and looking for all the world like Scottie Pippen's illegitimate cyborg child. Hint, hint.
Dwight Howard Plays First Game Since January 23
Since the Rockets' brass was apparently worried that the team was trending just too close to "likable," I guess.
