We are one weekend away from knowing who will represent the AFC and NFC in this year's Super Bowl. One team will proudly hoist the trophy, while the other is destined to spiral downward in the offseason, miss the playoffs in 2017 and be rife with busts throughout their lineup (thanks for nothing, Carolina). Before we entertain thoughts of next year's busts, let's take a look back at the most infuriating draft picks of 2016 and hate ourselves for picking them one last time. Don't worry my friend. As the great Michael Jackson once said, "You are not alone." That drop from 14 TD in 1996 to four in 1997 was no joke.
Warning: while the picks made in this article are completely serious, you may find sarcastic humor laced throughout. If you don't have any sense of humor whatsoever, turn back now before you get all worked up. Comments, praise, complaints or ramblings can be directed to @pfunk00 on Twitter.
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Divisional Round Recap
While the Wild Card round lived up to its name, the divisional round didn't provide too many surprises. Tevin Coleman was mostly stifled, but found the end zone. Jesse James suddenly came to life with his best stats of the season. The only other winner this week was Tony Romo. Even though he didn't see the field after all, he is bound to be traded, which means he is finally free from Jerry Jones and not bound by criticism from delusional Cowboys fans any more. Enjoy your freedom, Tony. You'll love the weather in Denver! Or Cleveland. Or wherever.
Here's looking at you, kid...
Tevin Coleman (57 RUSH YDS, 22 REC YDS, 1 TD)
Jesse James (5 REC, 83 YDS)
Tony Romo (Free at last, free at last!)
Wherever you go, I still own you!
Russell Wilson (225 YDS, 2 TD, 2 INT)
Brock Osweiler (198 YDS, 1 TD, 3 INT)
Lamar Miller (73 RUSH YDS, 16 REC YDS, 0 TD)
Jeremy Maclin (2 REC, 28 YDS)
Taylor Gabriel(4 REC, 71 YDS, 0 TD)
Malcolm Mitchell (3 REC, 29 YDS, 0 TD)
Austin Hooper (1 REC, 10 YDS)
A nice way to end, right around my unofficial season average of 75% (I don't actually keep count of these things). At this point in the season, we're down to the four best teams and everybody who steps on that field is a winner. Except Martellus Bennett - that guy was a bust this year! Now, let's recap the most glorious disappointments of 2016. As a reward to you loyal readers, bonus tweets this week!
Top 10 Busts of the 2016 Fantasy Football Season
Cam Newton (QB, CAR) - The Super Bowl hangover is real. Newton and the Panthers are another team that struggled out the gate and failed to make the playoffs the next season after losing the big game. Many (myself included) thought that Newton's rushing ability would keep his ceiling high enough to remain a QB1. Apparently not. Newton dialed back his running to a career-low 90 attempts, down from 132 last season. His rushing touchdowns were cut in half, from 10 to five. He also passed for a career-worst 52.9% completion percentage and barely more TD (19) than INT (14). I could go on and on, but that would just be more fuel for the haters. Oddly enough, people seemed to be more upset about his clothes than his play on the field.
Ryan Fitzpatrick (QB, NYJ) - Sure, you didn't draft him as your starter (for God's sake, please don't tell me you drafted him as your starter), but if you had him on your roster at all, you regretted it for the bad karma alone. When you earn a nickname with the term "pick six" in it and you aren't a defensive player, that's pure disrespect. The ugliness of his 2016 extended beyond the impressively bad six-interception game at KC. He finished the year with a 12/17 TD/INT rate and 193 Y/G average. Fitzpicksix won't be back in New York next year, but he will land somewhere on a team desperate for a veteran backup and wind up starting 14 games for them somehow. Just pray it isn't your favorite team.
Todd Gurley (RB, LA) - Usually 1,212 total yards and six touchdowns would make for a decent fantasy year. Not for Todd Gurley owners who burned a first-round pick on him. Unless you play in a league that rewards cumulative points at the end of the season (what fun is that?), Gurley didn't help you much at all. Unlike in baseball, fantasy football is a weekly game. Forget 100 yards, Gurley didn't rush for more than 85 yards in a game once all season. Don't think he made up for it in the passing game - he didn't go for 50 receiving yards once either. Gurley owners will remember Week 3, which is the only time he pretended to be an RB1. Of course, it's not all his fault. When Case Keenum is your QB, Kenny Britt is your best WR and Jeff Fisher is your coach, you do what you can. Bounce back in 2017?
Arian Foster (RB, HOU) - Sure, Foster didn't play most of the season. But it's not because he tore an ACL or lost his job. He retired in the middle of the year. Who does that? OK, besides Andre Johnson. Hopefully Foster didn't start a trend among aging and/or washed up veterans who suddenly don't feel like showing up to practice once they realize they won't be making the Pro Bowl at age 30. Foster had a dismal 2.5 Y/A in his brief Dolphins career, but he could have at least seen the season through with dignity. The old axiom about running backs over the age of 30 was proven true in his case. The Dolphins certainly won't miss him, but Texans fans will always carry fond memories of Foster in their backfield.
Brandon Marshall (WR, NYJ) - We meet again, my old nemesis. Longtime fans of this column may remember that Marshall spurned my bust pick of him twice before finally succumbing to the pressure on the third occasion. It was all downhill from there, as Marshall ended the year with one touchdown in the last 10 games and not a single game over 70 yards in that span. The fact that his QB was on this list tells you it isn't all his fault either, but that doesn't make fantasy owners feel any better. Or Jets fans. He's reportedly on the verge of being cut by the Jets. Maybe he'll end up back in Denver. Unless he's already there...
Allen Hurns (WR, JAX) - Fellow bust and teammate Allen Robinson was drafted higher, in some cases as high as the first round, but Hurns proved to be a much worse value. Hurns turned in 1,000 yards and 10 TD a year ago, only to drop to 477 yards and three scores in 2016. A popular WR3 pick turned waiver fodder, Hurns may have lost his job to Marqise Lee permanently. Hurns should be avoided altogether in 2017, unless you still believe Bortles is a franchise QB or that they are bringing in an offensive coordinator who will work miracles.
John Brown (WR, ARI) - Remember when one of the big draft-day dilemmas was which Arizona receiver to take first? Brown does have a sickle cell trait that needs to be monitored, but he only missed one game all season and it wasn't said to adversely affect his performance. A 1,000-yard receiver in 2015, Brown's yardage was cut almost in half and his TD total dropped from seven to two. While Larry Fitzgerald laughs at your decision to pick Brown over him, at least it's less embarrassing than picking Michael Floyd, dropping him and then watching him score for the Patriots during the fantasy playoffs. That's just the best.
Tyler Lockett (WR, SEA) - Lockett had a nice rookie year in Seattle, scoring six times through the passing game and twice in the return game. The buck stops there, however, as Lockett only reached the end zone twice in 2016. Thought to be a valuable deep threat, he teased fantasy owners with a 99-yard game in Week 2. He then proceeded to wait 12 weeks before hauling in more than 72 yards in a game. He managed to post nine games with six or fewer fantasy points in full PPR leagues. At least he was consistent... Just to rub salt into the wound, Lockett decided to post his one good game of the season in Week 15 with 130 yards and a TD while fantasy owners who dropped him long ago were fighting to win playoff games. Then again, if you drafted him as your WR2, playoffs might not have been an option.
Coby Fleener (TE, NO) - How the hell do you play in one of the most high-scoring offenses with the most prolific passer in NFL history and wind up a bust? You must be Coby Fleener. His fat free agent contract raised a few eyebrows, but some (myself included) took the bait by drafting him as a TE1. If he could put up 774 yards and eight TD in Indianapolis, just imagine what he could do with Drew Brees throwing to him! We'll have to keep imagining, as Fleener averaged just 39.4 yards per game and scored three times - his lowest output since his rookie season. The nickname "Manos de Piedra" is a prestigious one if you're a boxer. Not so much if you're a tight end. Maybe he'll learn the offense better next season.
Gary Barnidge (TE, CLE) - We should have seen this coming. Barnidge came out of nowhere to post a 1,000-yard season and score nine touchdowns in 2015. Prior to that explosion, he had a total of 603 yards over six NFL seasons as a backup tight end. Barnidge put up some adequate numbers at first (if you don't care for touchdowns, that is). In the second half of the year, the wheels completely fell off and Barnidge was a painful drop for many owners. QB issues aside, Barnidge let down many hopeful fantasy owners who settled on him as a starter. First Jordan Cameron, now Barnidge. The moral of the story is: don't trust Cleveland tight ends, no matter how good they look.