Think fast - what’s the worst trade you’ve ever made?

I’ve been playing fantasy football for more than five years at this point, and trading has always been one of my favorite aspects of playing, not exactly an uncommon feeling. We all love when our teams are good, maybe even great, but there’s not a fantasy feeling that quite matches pulling off a trade that ultimately takes your team from the basement to the ceiling.

I play in one league that has seen some truly infamous trades in the last few years. I won’t reveal the identities of any participants, as there is always one party that ends up kicking dirt around the parking lot and wondering where they went wrong. There was the infamous Branden Oliver for Odell Beckham Jr. trade. There was the Calvin Johnson for David Johnson trade. Hell, Russell Wilson was traded for Carson Palmer…. last year. And this is not a pushover league. In fact, it is the most difficult league I play in due to dynasty settings and bench depth. 

That brings us to 2016, when I was the only one who had too many running backs. Not a bad problem to have this year, but really not a bad problem to have in a dynasty league where our RBs tend to go from $70-$100 in initial rookie bidding (or about $170 in a $500 league, thank you Ezekiel Elliott.) I had tried unsuccessfully to shop one of my “extra” running backs, and had tried to turn $1 into $1.50 with every offer I made, all being turned down. Finally, I got desperate; I needed a cheap backup QB (remember, deep league, nearly all half-decent starters were owned) and preferred to get him pre-draft so I could save my salary for my targeted rookies. So I threw out an offer in which I’d get Ryan Tannehill, and he would get my…. sigh…. my “pretty cheap to keep” DeMarco Murray.

As Week 5 continues marching on, the number one running back in fantasy football is staring me in the face, and before I know it, I’ll be facing both him and Le’Veon Bell. If only Bon Jovi were here to give me the power to turn back time.

If you’d like to share your “Worst Trade” story, email me; I’ll feature my favorites next week (or after receiving no good stories, will pretend I never asked for input and talk about something else entirely)

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Running Back

Lamar Miller will either be on my bench or will ruin my week.

Are you there, God? It's me, a Texans running back heading to face the Vikings in Minnesota. The Vikings' run defense may not be where they are the best (and arguably, it's their worst trait as a defense) but I have to think the unit will be more successful than the were against New York in Week 4. I think Lamar Miller could possibly fall into the end zone, but I can't imagine the Texans generating any offense, and may need to play catch up, leaving Miller out of the fantasy equation.

Dear Frank Gore, do you like like me? I like like you this week.

Gore has been sitting out this week because he's a gorgeous thoroughbred running back whose has been running for a very long time and occasionally needs his rest (Editor's Note: Cliff Clinton is a 49ers fan and lives almost squarely in the past). So the Indianapolis Colts are giving it to him, and in a week where I may not have Christine Michael or Mark Ingram due to a bye, I'm not nervous to slide Gore into a key RB slot. The Bears have been miserable against the run so far this season, and Gore has found the end zone for three straight weeks. Use him if you've got him.

Am I going to really start James White in Week 5? (less than 20% ownership in Fleaflicker leagues)

This is a weirdly risky play; James White is not the lead back for the New England Patriots in 2016, and the Patriots vs Browns match-up is likely to become the "Tom Brady Exercises All Of His Demons" game. But James White was one of fantasy's most valuable running backs in the last seven games of the 2015 season despite never having more than 3 rushing attempts a game during that stretch. It's kind of an incredible outlier, and though White hasn't had much fantasy relevance so far, he's a decent FLEX play if you're in need.

Wide Receiver

Don't hand me my money back, I'm going double-or-nothing on Jarvis Landry

He's my fantasy MVP pick, and the seventh best WR in PPR leagues so far this season.... and he's only got one touchdown. Last week in this space I said that Michael Crabtree was due, but this is a different animal; the Titans passing defense is better (DeAndre Hopkins owners, I'm pouring one out) but Miami's offense has looked begrudgingly better than Houston's. Landry is due, and in a week that's not loaded with obvious plays, I'm going with this talented receiver.

I will be discarding my Amari Cooper and replacing him with two cards from the deck

I couldn't have been higher on Amari Cooper heading into the season, and I know many people who felt the same. I've watched a lot of Raiders games this year, and this is very much a make or break game for Cooper. He will no longer be facing Jason Verrett after Verrett's second-ending injury, so it means this is a game where he SHOULD be contributing. Despite his coverage he's had no more than six receptions in any game so far this season. There are so many names I'd rather play this week as my second WR, making Cooper a FLEX at best. He's not quite a bench player for me yet, but if he doesn't perform this week, it could be a real possibility.

Maybe he’s born with it, maybe it’s Eddie Royal

Chicago's number two receiver, now that former target leader Kevin White has hit IR, and there are snaps to go around. Royal is everyone's big sexy pickup in Week 5, so if he's still available in your league I'd run, not walk. I'm now just one of a thousand guys on the internet telling you OH MY GOD EDDIE ROYAL IS BACK EVERYONE.

I cannot believe, in 2016, Cordarrelle Patterson may be on my roster 

That's not even a fun fill-in line as this looming thought in my head for the entire week. The Minnesota Vikings are, by record, the best team in the NFC. Cordarrelle Patterson was on the field for the second most snaps among receivers, more than Charles Johnson. Cordarrelle Patterson is.... I can't even say it... Cordarrelle Patterson is......... you can probably put Patterson on your bench in the absolutely deepest of leagues because the workload may be legit, and I'm going to go vomit in my sink.

Tight End

Parachute? I don't need no parachute, I have Zach Miller

Don't overthink it; increased workload in the passing game due to White's injury, a defense that can't exactly limit tight ends, Miller is a must start this week. Hell, he may never have a week as a "Don't Start" for the rest of the season. That said, he suddenly appeared on the injury report with a rib issue Wednesday, so don't put that parachute away just yet...

Don't cry kids! We will bury Jacob Tamme in the yard

I think Jacob Tamme could be an interesting TE the rest of the way, but with a hip injury and a bad matchup vs Denver, I'm avoiding him in Week 5. Unless you're a Kelce or Graham owner who is stuck, nearly every other top-10 TE has a matchup I prefer.